In all my posts about love and the romanticism of lifeʼs mystery and wonders of the heart I make it pretty clear cut how I feel about love and relationships. While I am a married woman I have an unwavering opinion that women need and should have their independence. I talk about how I value commitment but I do believe in having fun and dating when you arenʼt married. All of this is wonderful but Iʼve never quite addressed the taboo topic. Sex! Is sex really that important when it comes to marriage/relationships etc?

Short Answer

UH yea… HELL YEA. Duh!! Where you been at! Ahem…. thatʼs my first response. Now let me go further into detail.

Disclaimer: This is my SEX DISCLAIMER (LOL)

I am not writing this post to advocate the involvement of irresponsible sexual activities. I do believe in boundaries such as being honest, faithful, and safe.

Protect yourself at all times and even if you are married or in a monogamous relationship make it a ritual to get yourselves regularly tested for STDʼs.

Now on to the Good Stuff

Sex is not and should not be the bread and butter but at least recognize that it is a leg or wing of the whole chicken. Yea I know completely dumb ass analogy but you know what I mean. Sex should not be your whole relationship but it had better be a good portion in your thought process of the relationship. Just think about it, better yet look around. Every thing in the natural world today is about sex. Sexual suggestions creep into our subconscious weekly, daily, hell even hourly. Mostly without our ability to fully recognize the impact it has on our lives.

Come on ladies…. And gentlemen its time to bring yourself up to date on reality. Sex is all around you in your music, on those billboards you drive by everyday, on your television, computer screen hell even on your phone. Sex is apart of our live and virtual lives. So itʼs very important to find your position on this sexual planet.

First A Bit of Science

Scientific studies find that men are stimulated through visual sensory more than women. If this is true, which I can only agree with because most stimuli is for and from the perspective of a man, that means your man or the men around you are consistently being reminded of sex. And the stimuli has become overtly represented in every aspect of media. At this point in time celebrity news has become a replacement for information which society actually needs to know. Therefore celebrities are competing for attention. Usually in the form of the more skin you see the more publicity. Anyway the point is, with the scientific backing of the notion that men are sexually stimulated at a higher and faster rate than women by visual provocations, this means that men are indeed more prone to sexual programming at a higher rate than females and that men are thinking about sex far more than women.

How does this relate to the need for sex in relationships??
Really and truly it doesnʼt, BUT itʼs important to consider why your partner may desire or quite the opposite not desire sexual contact with you. Its not all rested on the constant sexual innuendos received daily but we must face the music, if you are being reminded of sex… Youʼre gonna think about sex. If sex is important to your significant other male or female it should undoubtably be important to you(which is how male sexual programming translated to women).
Because I know that a relationship isnʼt and shouldnʼt always be about your other half I think itʼs time to get to why for you.

Relief

A healthy sex life offers you the pleasure of which you should never be ashamed. You have to know that your sexual power is a key that you hold and only those that you permit can unlock your box**. Even if you only open that box when the blue moon shines. You would do a great justice to you to allow yourself to feel the power

 your body possesses. You hold the power to reset your physiology and maybe even your partnersʼ. This is nothing to be ashamed of and if you ask me this power and ability should be guarded and protected for your maximum benefit.

Did you know that women who have orgasms live a happier healthier life. They tend to lead stress free lives in greater numbers. Hell I donʼt have science behind that but its a proven fact… personally. If you have ever had an orgasm you know what Iʼm talking about. It is believed that in the 19th century women who were diagnosed with hysteria, which was specifically recognized as a disease of women only, were cured of their disease when the doctor performed, Ahem, certain duties to produce an orgasm.

If you are having sex you should have an orgasm to help seal the deal and keep you, or make you more interested in regular sexual activity. Thereʼs no reason why a man should get his and you end up with blue walls (As I like to call it lol) that is an absolute NO NO! In my opinion thatʼs probably why mostwomen donʼt enjoy sex with their partners. Itʼs become more of a chore than pleasure that is also a NO NO!

Human Connection

Sex with the proper amount of passion and or arousal can be wonderous on the spirit too. I propose that sex with the right partner serves as a major connection, a link to connect our spirits to one another in this world. We all seek friendship, companionship, fellowship all the ships there are. Why is that? We are usually seeking connections to beings like ourselves that confirm knowledge we know from our hearts. We seek human interaction on many levels and sexual interaction is no different. Many believe that it is for procreation and while I do agree, I believe now in our modern day society we also seek recognition of others through our sexual intuits. That doesnʼt mean that you have sex withanyone with whom you seek recognition, but those with whom you seek sexual connections with you seek recognition from. Yea I know thatʼs a bit heavy to wrap the brain around so Iʼll keep it simple.

Sexual relation is a form of connection. In a relationship be it: because your lover is sexual programmed, over stimulated by sex throughout the day, wants to make a connection, get an ego boost, or just likes to have sex with you, it is ultimately important to/for you too. You may not like sex as much as your partner, but if you like/love them then you may want to at least reconsider how you communicate about sex in your relationship. One thing a man and a woman should be able to do is communicate about whatever they need, to work together and be happy. You may find that communicating openly about sex: what you like, what you need, what you want and donʼt want, will definitely open the doors to a better sex life for you and your partner. Sex is important in a relationship it helps relieve, can be calming, and unlocks your power to bring pleasure and free yourself from the bondage of societal rule. More importantly, sex in your relationship can help strengthen the bond which you have with your significant other, and or mend broken walls you all have torn down on your plight to be right. Sometimes you both need to just give in and be vulnerable to one another. Feel that body against yours.

Author Qualah

** I have written this note for those of you who have suffered sexual abuse. If you have ever suffered from sexual abuse just reading some parts of this post may seem horrifying. I want you to know that it isnʼt. I wish that you had never been a victim of such an atrocity, but I hope that you can see a life where that experience (or that person/those people) does not control you. I strongly feel, believe and know that a person can heal from anything even this and I know that even if you canʼt use this information now, that one day you will. No man woman be they stranger or family has the right to take your power by abusing you in anyway but definitely not sexually. You can be and will be stronger than they because you will heal and you will move forward knowing that they are a weaker form of human life and they very rarely move past their lowly levels of thinking. You will be able to transcend because of where you have been and they only after they have returned what they have taken from you. They usually never do, but you can take back what they stole and then they have no bearing on you. You have the power and no one can keep you from feeling that, knowing and being that power that you are, even if they try, like cowards, to take it.